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Message #679 of 743  *NEW*
Noah's NEW Ark
2/8/07, 2:00pm
> NOAH IN 2006
> In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now
> living in the United States , and said, "Once again,
> the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I
> see the end of all flesh before me.
> Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
> along with a few good humans."
> He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6
> months to build the Ark before I will start the
> unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
> weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
> "Noah!" He roared , "I'm about to start the rain!
> Where is the Ark ?"
> "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have
> changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing
> with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler
> system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
> neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
> yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
> go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
> Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond
> be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and
> other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move
> to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming
> to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
> Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in
order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
> When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights
> group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals
> against their will. They argued the accommodation was
> too restrictive , and it was cruel and inhumane to put
> so many animals in a confined space.
> Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
> they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
> proposed flood.
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
> Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed
> to hire for my building crew.
> Immigration and Naturalization are checking the
> green-card status of most of the people who want to
> work.
> The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist
> I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
> experience.
> To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
> claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
> So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
> years for me to finish this Ark."
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
> and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked
> up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
> destroy the world?"
> "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it! "

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