Borrowing from many spiritual belief systems and teacher/guides…
The drama wheel consists of the villain, the hero, and the victim. None exist without the others. It is the interplay among the three that keeps the wheel turning.
Imagine now another wheel that is kept spinning by the drama among the adoptive parents, the birthparents, and the person who was adopted.
We post and defend and attack and rant in the adoption world according to our past hurts and traumas that stem from our position in the adoption triad &-ithat we are currently experiencing. But I submit that this drama is what perpetuates the drama! As each of us can heal, as each of us can truly put ourselves in the place of the others we oppose –- this is how to stop the drama and the trauma.
Perhaps we, in a cosmic sense, get to experience all parts of the triad. Perhaps to gain soul-level understanding of the Golden Rule (do unto others), we are actually in orbit with ourselves as we play out our stories. For example, if I am an adoptive mom experiencing problems with a birthmother not respecting boundaries, is it possible that in another dimension I am also this birthmother experiencing a rigid, fearful adoptive mother of my child? If I am an adoptee with torn loyalties between my two moms, could I also be (in other dimensions) the adoptive mom who still wishes with her whole heart that I were biologically hers? And the birthmom who was coerced into relinquishment and has never quite healed from this betrayal?
What if you occupied all three positions in your own adoption situation? How would it look from each? Seriously, spend some time here, if you can get yourself untrenched from your "known" position.
All the unhealed wounds perpetuate more wounds that we inflict on each other (ourselves). I propose, instead, that we each really try to walk in the shoes of our counterparts. Pretend that whatever we’re experiencing now is tied in with what we left unhealed from another play in another time or dimension.
WE ARE OUR OWN VICTIM. AND VILLAIN, AND HERO. And each of us is in control of the speed and existence of the drama wheel.
And if you want to get off the wheel, the only way I know of is to develop empathy and compassion for those in the other positions.