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Message #1025 of 1287  *NEW*
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BestLight
My Manifesto on the Adoption Triad
10/31/06, 1:40pm (Last Edited: 10/31/06, 1:41pm)
Borrowing from many spiritual belief systems and teacher/guides…

The drama wheel consists of the villain, the hero, and the victim. None exist without the others. It is the interplay among the three that keeps the wheel turning.

Imagine now another wheel that is kept spinning by the drama among the adoptive parents, the birthparents, and the person who was adopted.

We post and defend and attack and rant in the adoption world according to our past hurts and traumas that stem from our position in the adoption triad &-ithat we are currently experiencing. But I submit that this drama is what perpetuates the drama! As each of us can heal, as each of us can truly put ourselves in the place of the others we oppose –- this is how to stop the drama and the trauma.

Perhaps we, in a cosmic sense, get to experience all parts of the triad. Perhaps to gain soul-level understanding of the Golden Rule (do unto others), we are actually in orbit with ourselves as we play out our stories. For example, if I am an adoptive mom experiencing problems with a birthmother not respecting boundaries, is it possible that in another dimension I am also this birthmother experiencing a rigid, fearful adoptive mother of my child? If I am an adoptee with torn loyalties between my two moms, could I also be (in other dimensions) the adoptive mom who still wishes with her whole heart that I were biologically hers? And the birthmom who was coerced into relinquishment and has never quite healed from this betrayal?

What if you occupied all three positions in your own adoption situation? How would it look from each? Seriously, spend some time here, if you can get yourself untrenched from your "known" position.

All the unhealed wounds perpetuate more wounds that we inflict on each other (ourselves). I propose, instead, that we each really try to walk in the shoes of our counterparts. Pretend that whatever we’re experiencing now is tied in with what we left unhealed from another play in another time or dimension.

WE ARE OUR OWN VICTIM. AND VILLAIN, AND HERO. And each of us is in control of the speed and existence of the drama wheel.

And if you want to get off the wheel, the only way I know of is to develop empathy and compassion for those in the other positions.

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Message #1028 of 1287  *NEW*
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Marie Reed  
Re: My Manifesto on the Adoption Triad
10/31/06, 8:24pm
graphic
Well said. Sometimes we get so wrapped up and focused in our own emotions that we forget all those around us. To be aware and mindful of other's feelings, we may be able to find some harmony in this very emotional and difficult process called adoption.

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Message #1029 of 1287  *NEW*
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saundrabeach  
Re: My Manifesto on the Adoption Triad
11/1/06, 2:31pm
graphic
Well thought out post Lori.

I never knew it could be so difficult to adopt or that there were so many nonsensical issues surrounding the loving gesture of adoption. I always heard there were so many children that needed a good home. Maybe they were referring to older children that were not as adoptable?

Meanwhile, children are being left behind and getting more unadoptable as they age or develop problems.

I am thinking of the mostly little girls in China. While we know why there are mostly girls, I cannot understand why they make adopters wait for one year or so to begin their official take over of said child. Wish it was easier. I wonder what the damage is to the child after one year to be moved to a new environment, even though no doubt it is better.

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TREAT OTHERS LIKE YOU WANT TO BE TREATED WELCOME EACH NEW DAY! Just When Your Children Are Fit To Live With, They Are Living With Someone Else!
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