Responding to http://miassavinggrace.wordpress.com/2007/03/12/and
Hello, Mia. I found your site because Joy started a thread on Soul of Adoption guiding people to you. She spoke of you in glowing terms. Who knew you’d be so welcoming?Thanks for leaving a post on RRBBS so I can respond. No, I shouldn’t be ashamed, in fact. I had nothing to gain from that post – I was merely passing along information to Rob and his wife from a private board that they didn’t have access to (did you see the post title: From Another Board)?). And while the $$ part is what inflamed you, the reason I re-posted was that the baby was Filipina. Rob’s wife is also Filipina. So assuming the baby was in need of parents, I thought that Rob and his wife would be able to provide cultural heritage in a way that another couple might not. When Rob castigated me for posting (because of the $$ and the immediacy), I did not tell him why I posted, for fear that being race-aware would be mistaken for being racist.You seem to think I would get a cut or something.Please understand that all my adoption viewpoints are predicated on non-coerced adoptions, where an expectant mother freely makes the decision that adoption is the best option for her. It doesn’t seem like happens much in the universe of the boards, but seems to be more common IRL.I have spent more that a year now on various boards, trying to get a more well-rounded perspective than my a-parent view. I’ve had teachers who don’t even know that they are (for example, Jenna and Nicole as firstmothers, Anifish and Cheryl as adoptees). I have been wide open to learning (http://soulofadoption.com/forum/index.php?topic=148
) and teaching what I know (http://rrbbs.com/cgi-bin/bbs/onethread.pl?15-995).As for my tips for waiting adoptive parents…they actually work in favor of expectant parents considering adoption. My main counsel is for them to be themselves out loud, to be genuine. In fact on my own website and on (http://forums.adoption.com/general-adoptive-parent-
) I specifically say it’s not about being slick or playing to the reader.Assuming an adoption is going to take place (which is probably where your real beef lies), wouldn’t it be better if the choosing mother gets to see who potential adoptive parents really are, and not some bland or showy portrayal? And guess what? The “Baby’s Room” photo works in bringing together birth and adoptive parents. Not because it’s ostentatious (most of my clients are not wealthy), but because it symbolizes room in their hearts and lives for a child. What’s wrong with placing information about one’s agency in community place? Having a brochure in a doctor’s office or in a library vestibule is a far cry from “stopping young pregnant women at random on the street.” Thanks, mom2one for the suggestion, though. Forgive me if I don’t spread your idea around.Nina, are you suggesting that I am more despicable because the birthmothers who chose my husband and me had white children? Did you somehow get the idea that I turned down the chance to parent non-white children? Do you know enough about me to make that judgment?Maybe it makes you all feel good – just a little superior – to tear people down. Or maybe it’s just easier to lash out at all things adoption because of your private wounds and hurts. But does it really do anything to improve Adoption World? It’s so much easier to criticize than to create. Why don’t you take all your anger at your own situations and channel it to improve things? People wonder why there’s so much war energy around.