The day was interesting. We covered quite a few topics, met with two birth mothers (one of whom brought her own mother, so it was interesting to hear that perspective).It is interesting how the stigma of adopting and getting pregnant pre-marriage has worn off SLIGHTLY. I say slightly because the mom of the girl seemed to give off a bit of the "shame" that you would've seen 30 years ago.
The 20-year old daughter seemed to be sad only of her having to make the choice of adoption... not that she was pregnant and unmarried at 18.
The other birth mother DID feel shame and guilt, but it was because she had given up her son who had cerebral palsy. I imagine that if her son was not so afflicted, she may have decided to keep him.
Issues that we went through were the production of our profile folder that will contain a letter from us to our prospective birth mother and various photographs. Apparently, pets are good to include in this booklet, so we have that covered.
Some dos and don'ts:
• If you have a child, don't have that child in every single photo. It may appear to the birth mom that her child doesn't have a place in the home.
• Don't be too religious as it might turn off a number of prospective birth mothers.
This one surprised me because - early in the day - I started to get concerned thinking about the NAME of our adoption service. I am Jewish. Marie is Catholic. There are a number of adoption services... what kind of woman/girl is going to choose "Holy Family Services?"
Still, I feel comfortable with this organization. They are doing an excellent job showing us success stories. Marie's doctor told her to be wary of fraudulent companies last week... I think we have found a good one, so I think we'll stick with it.
We discussed the feelings of guilt, shame, loss, control and a variety of other issues that face the "triad" in the adoption process... the adopted child, the birth mother, and the adopting family.
We discussed difficult situations that we may encounter during the adoption process, with other discussions regarding lifetime adoption issues and legal issues (how custody is legally obtained).
They also showed a video clip from the Oprah show regarding adoption which was actually very informative and touching (although I am not the biggest Oprah fan)... top that all off with great danish, Subway sandwiches, and a homemade choclate cake (I just had a BITE), and it was a nice day.
It was good for Marie and I to discuss these issues with people in our same situation, primarily. We didn't feel so "alone."
--------------------------------------------------------
"Treat the Earth not as if it was given to you by your parents, but as if it was lent to you by your children." - Kenyan Proverb
"The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those that do not have it." - George Bernard Shaw
--------------------------------------------------------
