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Message #473 of 1287  *NEW*
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Rob Reed  
A Common Question
8/11/05, 4:46pm (Last Edited: 8/11/05, 4:46pm)
graphic
Still, nothing new to report. I am due for a call to the agency. I had this awful feeling yesterday (unfounded, I am sure), that when we were approved by a birth mother last October, that our profile was removed from the shelves and was never put back.

Yes, it is frustrating. Probably why you haven't heard much from me here. I wonder if we even still get visitors?

Anyway, in the 10 months since a birth mother selected us, then changed her mind, if there was one question that we get asked more than any other by our friends and family, it is: "have you considered international adoption?"

Of course we have.

But, our answer has always been the same. We want an infant, from as close to birth as is possible. With all of the red tape that goes on with international adoption, from what I have heard, the average child adopted abroad is over 1 year old.

Anybody out there who knows differently?

Marie and I plan to take a well-deserved Mexican Riviera cruise in November. We purchased the "cancellation insurance," just in case. For the trip, we have to renew our passports...

...which might come in handy when we adopt our second child... perhaps, internationally.

As for our first experience, however, we want it to be as real as if we were able to conceive ourselves.

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"Treat the Earth not as if it was given to you by your parents, but as if it was lent to you by your children." - Kenyan Proverb

"The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those that do not have it." - George Bernard Shaw
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Message #475 of 1287  *NEW*
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Rob Reed
Robert Jones  
Food For Thought
8/11/05, 5:50pm
Rob & Marie,

Have you considered adopting a child that is a little older...Perhaps 3 to 5 years old and continue to try to adopt an infant? That may sooth some of the yearning for a baby by getting a pitter patter of little feet in your home...maybe even a child near Dylan's age so they can grow up as cousins.

You could still adopt an infant as a second child...and they would have an older brother or sister. From my experience as a school teacher...the child will grow on you and will become part of you both by association and modeling.

Having a child in the home might even be an enticement for a birth mother to select your home...so the child would have a sibling.


Best O' Luck

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Friends are the best collectibles
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Message #476 of 1287  *NEW*
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Rob Reed
Guest455 (IP: 65.60.209.82)
Re: A Common Question
8/11/05, 6:43pm
(This is Dawn)

I have you on my rss feed so I was excited to see a "new" sign come up!

I think it really depends where you're adopting from whether or not the baby will be under a year but according to the stat I just googled, 46% of all international adoptions are of an infant under a year (that's from the National Adoption Information Clearninghouse).

You could always start exploring different programs and see what you think.

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Message #477 of 1287  *NEW*
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Guest459 (IP: 66.30.245.248)
Re: A Common Question
8/11/05, 7:27pm
I check everyday looking for good news. I know it will be posted someday soon. Good Luck!

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Message #478 of 1287  *NEW*
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Guest534 (IP: 4.231.167.160)
Re: A Common Question
8/12/05, 8:18am
I too, check often for an update. Guatemala is a country where I believe babys are coming home at around 6 mo. old. I am amazed at your patience with calling the agency, I would be the person that calls every 1-2 months (my wait just started 2 weeks ago).

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Guest580 (IP: 64.81.52.40)
Re: A Common Question
8/12/05, 3:17pm
Hi Rob,
I have been following your journey and always check the website to see if anything has happened..We adopted our daughter last March and also worked with an agency. One thing they had us do was a mass mailing to Ob/Gyn's and Pregnancy Clinics in States that were an option for us. We enclosed a picture and our birthmother letter, we sent 3000 letters. I received 6 calls from birthmother's in the first two months, these calls were passed to the agency who then would do the rest of the work. I don't know if it is an option for you and Marie but it really made my husband and I feel like we were DOING something during our wait. If you would like to know more feel free to email me at [EMAIL REMOVED].
Good luck,
Krista
p.s. We actually got a call yesterday, our babies 4 months so there is no way we will be adopting so soon but that's the best thing about the mailing, the letter's stay out there working for you.

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Message #481 of 1287  *NEW*
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Guest580 (IP: 64.81.52.40)
Rob Reed  
Re: A Common Question
8/12/05, 4:11pm
graphic
>Hi Rob,
>I have been following your journey and always check the
>website to see if anything has happened..We adopted our
>daughter last March and also worked with an agency. One thing
>they had us do was a mass mailing to Ob/Gyn's and Pregnancy
>Clinics in States that were an option for us. We enclosed a
>picture and our birthmother letter, we sent 3000 letters. I
>received 6 calls from birthmother's in the first two months,
>these calls were passed to the agency who then would do the
>rest of the work. I don't know if it is an option for you and
>Marie but it really made my husband and I feel like we were
>DOING something during our wait. If you would like to know
>more feel free to email me at [EMAIL REMOVED].
>Good luck,
>Krista
>p.s. We actually got a call yesterday, our babies 4 months so
>there is no way we will be adopting so soon but that's the
>best thing about the mailing, the letter's stay out there
>working for you.

This is one of those times where I wish I didn't have a spam filter... would like to have your email address... nonetheless, this is an excellent idea, and I thought I would post it up on the blog.

I'll mention this to our social worker.

--------------------------------------------------------
"Treat the Earth not as if it was given to you by your parents, but as if it was lent to you by your children." - Kenyan Proverb

"The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those that do not have it." - George Bernard Shaw
--------------------------------------------------------

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Message #482 of 1287  *NEW*
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Guest455 (IP: 65.60.209.82)
Rob Reed  
Re: A Common Question
8/12/05, 4:12pm
graphic
Thanks for the info, Dawn. Nice to "seeya" again.

--------------------------------------------------------
"Treat the Earth not as if it was given to you by your parents, but as if it was lent to you by your children." - Kenyan Proverb

"The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those that do not have it." - George Bernard Shaw
--------------------------------------------------------

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Message #483 of 1287  *NEW*
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Rob Reed  
Re: Food For Thought
8/12/05, 4:13pm
graphic
We have most definitely talked about it... at the present time, it just isn't our preference.

--------------------------------------------------------
"Treat the Earth not as if it was given to you by your parents, but as if it was lent to you by your children." - Kenyan Proverb

"The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those that do not have it." - George Bernard Shaw
--------------------------------------------------------

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saundrabeach  
Re: A Common Question
8/19/05, 6:39pm
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This advice sounds so good Rob n Merr. I wil gladly help with the mailing. Give me the addresses.... Love Mom

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TREAT OTHERS LIKE YOU WANT TO BE TREATED WELCOME EACH NEW DAY! Just When Your Children Are Fit To Live With, They Are Living With Someone Else!
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Message #504 of 1287  *NEW*
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Guest1682 (IP: 152.163.100.71)
Re: A Common Question
8/20/05, 4:11pm
Hi Rob, If your dream is a newborn, then you shouldn't give up. My husband and I have adopted 2 healthy white newborns, and my belief is that if you are aggressive in locating prospective birthmothers, you can do it.

OTOH, int'l adoption is appealing because its more of a defined process. You can adopt 5 to 6 month olds healthy infants from South Korea. Guatemala is another country where you can get a child under one...even an infant under 6 months old.

Stick with your current agency, but I'd also get out there and be looking around at other sources for prospective birthmothers.

Kris

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Larry Levy  
Re: A Common Question
8/22/05, 5:07pm
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We looked into adopting a child from Romania. At the time,Janice's brother was involved in a program where he flew there to give medical care to orphans. He said there was a high rate of HIV in the babies and he advised against us doing that. But, things may be different elsewhere.

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" I lift up mine eyes to the hills, whence cometh my help.", Psalm 121
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Message #508 of 1287  *NEW*
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Guest2245 (IP: 67.182.203.216)
Re: A Common Question
8/24/05, 9:35am
Look into Vietnam. It just re-opened and the wait times are short. Also you can get a very young infant by doing an independent adoption in Ethiopia.

Tamra
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Guest2458 (IP: 152.163.100.71)
Re: A Common Question
8/26/05, 6:21am
Wanted to comment on the gentleman's comment that many babies from Romania are HIV positive. The United States forbids the adoption of HIV positive children from other countries, so there are strict testing procedures in place. In other words, if you did decide to adopt from another country, you would not be adopting an HIV positive child.

Frankly, there are plenty of healthy newborns in the United States; you just have to be aggressive in finding one.

Kris

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Message #533 of 1287  *NEW*
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Guest5233 (IP: 63.149.241.130)
Re: A Common Question
9/13/05, 2:17pm
We had someone say "Why don't you just go to Romania and pick up a baby?" People have no idea how carefully you have worked to make your decisions. Finally we quit explaining ourselves and just said (sometimes sounding rude, no doubt): "We know all the options." And you do. You know the options, you've made your choice, you're sticking with it. That was a hard part for me: wondering, during the long nothing-happening wait, if we'd made a bad choice picking Holy Family. (We keep losing social workers! They only want Catholic families! They never call us! Maybe they lost our profile book!) But no. Eleven months of prep and homestudy, two years and two months of waiting, one week of phone messages and phone calls and meetings, then four days of frantic, joyful rushing around preparing for the homecoming of our seven-week-old son.

Becky

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Message #534 of 1287  *NEW*
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Marie Reed  
Re: A Common Question
9/13/05, 6:59pm (Last Edited: 9/13/05, 8:29pm)
graphic
>We had someone say "Why don't you just go to Romania and pick
>up a baby?" People have no idea how carefully you have worked
>to make your decisions. Finally we quit explaining ourselves
>and just said (sometimes sounding rude, no doubt): "We know
>all the options." And you do. You know the options, you've
>made your choice, you're sticking with it. That was a hard
>part for me: wondering, during the long nothing-happening
>wait, if we'd made a bad choice picking Holy Family. (We keep
>losing social workers! They only want Catholic families!
>They never call us! Maybe they lost our profile book!) But
>no. Eleven months of prep and homestudy, two years and two
>months of waiting, one week of phone messages and phone calls
>and meetings, then four days of frantic, joyful rushing around
>preparing for the homecoming of our seven-week-old son.
>
>Becky

Becky,

Thank you for your encouraging post. Rob and I are basically hitting the wall. I know that we will have our own baby soon, in due time. I'm just keeping the faith and trying to be very patient. Rob and I have made an promise to each other that we will stick with our decision. I just wish that we were in your situation too.

Congratulations, and enjoy your new baby! Keep us posted.

Marie

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Guest8020 (IP: 63.149.241.130)
Re: A Common Question
9/27/05, 2:07pm
Keeping you posted--

Well, the new baby came to us in 2000, and now he's in kindergarten and taking violin lessons. But I think of you every so often, and check back here to visit the pink-and-blue blog and send you my hopes. So much of your experience and your situation seems similar to ours that I like to hope you'll draw some encouragement. The waiting period was a very low time in our lives. I guess it has to be.

Becky

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Guest8415 (IP: 205.188.116.74)
Re: A Common Question
10/1/05, 4:14pm
I can agree with Becky that the waiting period is a really low time. We waited 16 months for our first baby, but during that time we experienced two failures. With one, we were in the delivery room for the baby, spent the first 2 days of his life with him then the mother changed her mind and took him home with her. We waited 2 1/2 years for our second child, but during our wait we brought home a baby whose mother changed her mind shortly thereafter. Adoption is a VERY stressful process, no matter how you look at it. The good thing is that it DOES happen if you hang in there and put in your wait. We now have 2 adorable children who really feel like they were meant to be ours. But I still vividly remember what it is like to wait...

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